We are devastated. On October 25th, Fergus passed on and we are still wracked with grief. Initially Ebony kept searching all over for her favorite chew toy. When she couldn’t find him, she would crawl into a dark corner into a tiny ball. She goes back and forth from being clingy to ignoring me to the point that she no longer comes running when I fall and I have to call her to me to help me get back up. She has been acting up in public, refusing to stay in a park position and begging for attention from the speech therapist. The vet says it will take her 2-4 weeks to grieve and I am to expect erratic behavior in the mean time. She is needy but seems to get little comfort from me. Its like she blames me. We left her in the car that final trip to the vet with Fergus. We never leave her in the car. We carried Fergus away from her and didn’t bring him back. The vet says it will pass but it is a cruel blow that we can’t seem to comfort each other in our grief.  Fergus was so incredibly devoted to me, that I purposely picked out a puppy that wasn’t so needy. I knew Fergus couldn’t have handled that level of competition. It makes her a great service dog, Ebony can stand down while doctors and ambulance crews do what they have to do. Fergus was way too protective and had to be locked up the last time the ambulance came to the house. Fergus would give Ebony the bed, the toys and the treats but never the prime next to mom spot.

Fergus became ill suddenly and we had some real roller coaster days. One day he would collapse on the stairs and pee on himself in embarassment. The next day he would be wrestling with Ebony on the kitchen floor. One his last night, Ebony and I wouldn’t leave his side. We all laid on the living room floor in one huge puppy pile. Fergus was too scared to sleep and he would nudge me if he thought I was drifting off. Ebony was the only one that slept and she crawled on top of him to do so. When he would try to drag himself after me and collapse, we knew it was time. I couldn’t even leave him long enough to go to the bathroom. At 4am, my house mate joined the puppy pile in the living room where we cuddled with Fergus until the vet opened,The vet said his muscles had atrophied in just a weeks time and the blood work indicated a lymphoma with CNS involvement. She gave him a prognosis of a few days but seeing his fear, she recommended euthanasia. I knew he would be miserable not being able to get around and collapsing so I agreed. He was 13 and half years old and he has my handsome boy! I miss him so.

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Tags: Fergus, Grief

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 at 10:14 pm and is filed under Health, Puppy photos. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.